I was advised by an old friend to start writing a diary, instead of continuously venting all my problems to her. After a complicated few weeks, we are no longer speakig anymore and so without my ventilation buddy, I’ve decided to try blogging.
Charlie Miller is a pseudonym. The idea is to use this unisex (Charlotte) name to keep my gender and identity private. I am 18. I live in South Africa, however I left home alone and have been living in France since December. My current occupation is cleaning a coffee shop.
The last thing I’d like to include in my first post is that I have depression. For those that don’t know, depression is a mental disease. There’s no reason why I have it, it’s just there and always has been. The main struggles I face with my depression are inspiration and drive. I feel emotionally flat. I struggle to make myself heard in groups of new people, even friends. I am morbidly shy.
As someone that never “opens up”, the idea of this blog is to share my feelings anonymously, with the hope that this will lift the weight I have on my shoulders of the hidden life I lead inside my head. At the same time I’d like to use this as a journal and write about my experiences and everyday struggles and pleasures. Hopefully one day, I can look back at this blog and see how far I’ve come in my journey. From one of my most unhappy moments, a few days ago, here in France, to a more confident, fulfilled, social, and generally a happier person.
It’s going to be a long and bumpy ride.